Pointless

Last night I was having a pretty shitty night, so I decided that I wanted to be depressed the next morning (so, this morning)

And no, my problems aren't "I like him but he doesn't like me", they are a little more deep down, complex and psychological than that.

All my friends have had "bad days" since I've known them. When they have these days, everyone seems to care about them and they get all of this love. I wasn't looking for attention, but merely the affection that I feel I've been lacking. So I wanted to be sad for a day and have people care.

When I woke up, my issues didn't seem that bad, but after getting mad at my brother, I thought that I'd let my true sadness show for a day. This isn't the first time that I've "decided" to do this, and it sure

as hell wont be the last. I wouldn't need to keep doing this, if I didn't always give up and be happy right when I get to school.

Just like always, right when I entered the double doors, I completely forgot about my whole depression thing. It wasn't like my feelings were gone, I simply forgot and got engulfed in the charade of happy-go-lucky school.

My day was actually turning out to be pretty good. Even when I got called ugly - later I found out he was kidding, but that is besides the point - I didn't let it bother me. This day was a good day. Some boys even flirted with me. I AM NOT TO BE JUDGED, I AM A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL WITH CRUSHES. (if you have read my other blog, my thoughts are still the same about middle school dating)

At the end of the day I had gym, which to multiple complaints, was outside in the rain. It wasn't the rain that bothered me, it was being cold. But once we started running and playing football - which I love now by the way - I felt as though I was invincible.

But sadly, "all good things must come to an end" as our friend Nelly Furtado would say, and it was time to go home. I was actually excited, because being home meant watching One Tree Hill and stuffing

my face with sunflower seeds. All of this seemed like sex. Other than the fact that it was pouring rain and I walk home.

I was considering going to my moms work - close to my school - but then my friend Rose asked if I wanted to go to her house. I was sceptical because she lived up on a mountain close to mine, but still takes 30 minutes to pick me up, and a lot of gas.

Amazingly, I came up with an idea. Roses bus picks her up at our school, and she transfers to GW, a school that is 5 minutes away from my moms work. So I called my mom, and if she didn't call back in the time that Rose got on her second bus, then I was just going to go to my moms work.

Being lazy though, I made sure that I didn't want to walk THAT FAR. So I continuously called my mom, always getting her answering machine. After a while, my messages stopped being serious and I started joking around saying "I could be dying" and stuff like that.

Even though I never did reach my mom, I went home with Rose. With nothing to do, we decided to go on Omegle. It was fun! Half the people you screw around with, and the other half, both of you are trying to screw with one another.

Soon, I completely forgot about how I wanted to be sad. But, I still didn't know how I was going to get home, so every 5 minutes, I called my mom, hoping she'd answer. She never did.

I was too scared to call home, because my dad could have answered and he'd be mad. At around 5, there was a knock on the door, and surprisingly, it was my mom. I was a bit confused, because she doesn't get off until 5:30, and she wouldn't reach the house until 6.

APPARENTLY she went home sick, and when I didn't come home, she called one of her co-workers to check her work phone, to see if I called. Her co-worker got through 5 of the 100 messages,

called my mom and told her that I most likely went to Roses.

I had a good day :)

Tomorrow I'll be sad, I swear.

Wow

So, I haven't written in what feels like forever. I mean, it's only been like 3 months.. :)

Nothing new has really happened. At all. Watching a fly would be more interesting than living my life.

One thing that did happen was that I had a bake sale. It's really nothing, but it sure made my parents proud. My friends and I have this little group, and when we find a "worthy" cause, we like to raise money for it. Last year we raised $850 for Japan, and this year we found Raj.

 

My mom is a banker, and she gets close-ish with a few of her clients. Raj is one of those clients. She has two kids, no money and terminal brain cancer. Being that she had no money and a giant tumour on her head, my friends and I thought she was worthy of getting a few extra dollars for her very costly treatment.

 

We only raised about $400, not even half of what we did last time, and it only paid for one week of Raj's treatment. I wasn't happy, but every one else was, and my parents were "so" proud of me. Ehh, I see no difference in myself, as I've done so many wrongs that a few rights don't make up for it.

Other than that, my school was having this contest for people to hand in short stories, and the best would be put in to the yearbook. I consider myself a fairly good writer, so I wrote a piece and was all excited to hand it in. Some thing inside of me stopped me though, and it never reached the office.

 

Instead, I will be posting it up on here, and on to my English class blog (we do that instead of doing journals)

Leaving the details of my life;

My friend got a call from a modelling agency! That is fricken cool to me. She is literally the prettiest person I know, so this is like long over due. They agency saw her pictures on Facebook, called her mom and they booked an appointment to meet.

 

Yes, there are millions of fakes out there looking for peoples money, but her mom looked them up and they seem legit. So they went for a meeting, and every thing seems cool. The only issue is, my friend needs to make a portfolio, which are expensive..

 

That is what I don't get. If this agency sought her out, why would they need to be paid to see more pictures of her? For me, it just doesn't add up.

So yeah, nothing interesting in my life, but maybe things will get cool soon, or this blog with have no point but to suck.

 

Peace.

Well Hello There

Hello readers! I am not new to the world of blogging, I have 2 more

active blogs, and 2 failures. Lets not add this to the failure list.

"What will you be talking about?"

Excellent question me!

I will be talking about my life, interesting things that have happened in my day,

maybe some thing that caught my attention me. Not too sure, what happens will happen and I will try to be interesting.

With my two other active blog, I might combine them, making this blog 3 blogs together, a different page for each blog. I am not too sure though, I just know that it is ridiculous to have 3 active blogs at one time...

Well, I am off to edit and compose new amazing posts for your lovely eyes to read. Have an amazing night/day. Where ever you live :)

Watching the Sun Rise

Watching the sun rise has always been on my bucket list, since I saw it set so many times. It was like it wasn't fair, I had gotten to see the sun set too many time to count. I saw the peach, pink and purple which was caused by the miraculous ball of fire sneaking away behind the mountains, but never had I seen it rise.

The opportunity has shown itself a few times, that I can remember, and each time I was too idiotic to see it. One time, I was having a sleep over with my friend - same friend from Rocks -  and we were on my trampoline. We had a tendency for staying up until the crack of dawn, and that night was no different. Our one mistake was being completely oblivious to the sun rising, and we just lay there unaware of the beauty that was happening on the other side of my house.

A second time, I stayed up just to see the sun rise. I was so excited, and all I did was read FML until about 5:30 am. Then I went and made a bed out of chairs on my deck, wrapped myself up in a blanket and waited. I waited until 6:45, which was when the sun was supposed to appear. It didn't.

I saw that the sky was getting lighter, but there was no amazing colours illuminating in front of my eyes. Disappointed, I decided to just go back inside, wait for my parents to wake up so I could go in their bed. When I told me mom about my experience, she laughed and told me that the sun rose from the other side of our house, and I had gotten them mixed up.

I don't even know what colours it would be if it rose. Would they be the same as when it's setting, or would it be a beautiful blue and shimmering gold? Well, this morning I will know, for I will watch the sun rise with my own two eyes. Because of certain events, that you can read here at my third blog, Simply Sio, I am now awake and prepared to watch.

I am also prepared to get very sick from lack of sleep, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Life

This one was better when I wrote it...

Up and down, around and around. That's the direction life goes. We don't know what will happen for we do not take control. We let life bring what it will bring and take what it will take. We do not grab hold of the steering wheel and make what we want to happen. Why? Maybe we're scared. We've been living this way forever. Maybe the change will be too much to handle. Or is it the fact that we like getting hurt? Or not so much the hurt part, but the sympathy that follows? Do we strive for such attention that we let the hell we call a life bring us down, just for a few sympathetic glances? If so, then I say grab the steering wheel. Make the change. I would rather face a new world then be stuck in this attention hungry one forever.

What A Horrible Life

(old Facebook note)

Darkness. It fills the air and everything around me. Everywhere I look, it seems to be compelled with rage or sorrow. Is there nothing that can truly be ‘happy’? Along with lies and tears there is shame and fear. Is there any way to escape this? Is there are world beyond ours that we can truly call home? A world entirely our own, not only in our dreams but simply beyond our reach? Is it that all we need to do is forget the rage or sorrow, and the same and fear, and just live

Choose your life or forever be a character in some one else's game.

Living life is hard to do for some people. We want to follow our own paths, but we have the expectations of the world weighing down on us. Our parents want these amazing things for us, our friends want some one to lean on, society wants the newest magazine cover. All we want is to be, who we want to be, and being great at that person.

It is easier said than done. What if what we want, isn't what our parents want.the ones who raised us, and have controlled us our entire lives must have some say or opinion in what we do and how we live, right? Our minds tell us to be free, but our concious says to obey and be the next president, when all we really wanted to be are the protesters.

Life is funny. We grow up being told what to do, wanting something else, and when we finally have the freedom to do so, we fall back into the arms of the controller. What we want is right in front of us, but the fear of letting down others, and not reaching the heights of the gods, brings us back to phase 1; having some one else decide our futures for us.

Garth Stein once wrote "That which we manifest is before us; we are the creators of our own destiny." Learn from that quote and live your life the way you wish to live it. We need to show that we CAN and WILLbe who and what ever we wish to be! No one else has a say but us. We are the creators of our own destiny, so create!
I know that it is a little repetitive, and the ending is corny, but I tried. :)